Who would I have been?

I didn't dress up for Halloween this year. No parties, no drunken one night stand. And besides fearing that I'd get robbed and shot by this guy with a machine gun who stopped his car right by me as I walked down the street, no goblins or ghosts. But if I would have dressed up, had a place to wear a clever costume, what would I have been?

I suppose the whole Halloween identity is the only time of year when people are allowed the indulgence of being something they are not, and even, someone they wish they were. Don't we women all want to be some sort of tempting vixen, a coveted princess, an exalted heroine? For me, I'm not sure. I mean, these days, I feel like I'm walking around wearing a mask as it is, floundering around in a city I hate, working a job I'm handicapped in doing well, wishing I was anywhere else. Why did my amazing teacher have to live here? Why not some place beautiful with stunning scenery and plucky people? There is nothing for anyone in this town, let alone ME!!

I truly know what it feels like to live day by day. It's so disarming, so driveless. I'm scared of not waking up in enough time to face the day and even more scared to go to sleep for fear I will actually wake up. They say you design your own life, create your own world, but why do I feel paralysed to do either? God, how depressing it is that I'm even writing this, but you know, it's easy to feel like this. Powerless and numb. It's the excuse for not being productive and impacting. Fat and selfish.

What would I have been for Halloween? A selfless, inspired, heartful...me...

Question of the day: Couldn't you stand to indulge in a better you?